Tag Archives: thoughts

The best worst superhero movie ever made

          Hey, is it just me or is THE DARK KNIGHT film hugely overrated? I got to thinking about it with the new Superman/Batman team up movie getting made.  I hope you’re bored, because this is long. And I tried to avoid wasting my time complaining about fandom for a movie which was released more than five years ago, but it seems as relevant as ever, if not more than ever, because the fans never let it die down.

         I mean, it’s not a bad movie, it has its moments – but, when you talk about it to a fan! You may only use hushed tones of reverence and referencing any other movie in history is not allowed – unless followed up with but the Dark Knight was so much better!

         Now I wouldn’t care, each to their own. I’m a Playstation kind of guy, others are Xbox guys, fair beans. But I saw The Avengers at the movies and during the credits someone commented “it was alright, but it was no Dark Knight”… Totally different kinds of movie! It’s like watching the Barney movie and complaining it didn’t have enough Batman in it. Every time a Superhero flick is coming out, someone has to comment online – it won’t live up to the Dark Knight. I didn’t even know it was a competition!

         Now, I wouldn’t care, y’all can do as you please. BUT when people ignore the faults of something to express their love for it, it cheeses me off. Why can’t you just say yes it has flaws, but I like it. Why do you have to react negatively to other media to make yours more exciting and get your point across?  

         Yeah, you like Batman, but I like Iron man – “No way man Iron Man 3 was so lame! You see, ‘cause  in the Dark Knight, right, the Joker – Played so amazingly by the oh so late and great Heath Ledger – he didn’t have a state of the art suit of armor to rely on. Only his mad martial arts skills, millions of dollars, tons of gadgets, cool car/bike which can defy gravity, a cape, a private airfield, plane, trusted butler and tech guy… Shut up!”

         So I just wanted to bring up some flaws and negatives I have, if nothing else, because screw it, I can. I don’t want to dash anyone’s view of the movie, and true fans wouldn’t listen to criticism anyway, but I wanted to highlight out things I think glare in the face of perfection.

         (In case you haven’t seen the Dark knight – which would make you reading this superfluous – it goes something like this:) A bunch of clowns rob a bank and the Joker is behind it and a terrible boss. Meanwhile, hotshot DA Harvey Dent is taking down criminals in court, even ones who miraculously bring guns into a high security court house but who he really wants is this Chinese guy Lau – but he just can’t get him. And Batman is running around smacking criminals and somehow not killing them.

         Then The Joker interrupts a video party the mob is hosting, does some magic tricks and everyone hates him. One of the mob guys asks for him to die, has his body delivered to him by his goons like a pizza, but its all a ruse and the Joker kills him, takes over his men and starts the Joker Club 90210.

         Being Batman knew the best thing to get Harvey Dent for Christmas was a Chinese money Launderer, he flies to China and kidnaps the Chinese guy Harvey has been looking for and giftwraps him and sends him over fed ex.

         The Joker Club 90210 tries to kill Harvey Dent and the Mayor but is foiled both times, but manages to bonus kill commissioner Gordon. He says he’ll keep killing people until Batman reveals himself. So Harvey Dent pulls a fast one to get some babes and says he’s Batman. And then agrees to go on a ride along through the city, knowing Batman and the Joker will come and have a big fight in the middle of the movie.

         Batman and the Joker have a big fight in the middle of the movie and Commissioner Gordon turns out to be driving Harvey Dent’s van and arrests the Joker. Batman breaks the Eight amendment and smacks the Joker around for a while – so the Joker gives him a choice. Save his girlfriend – who has been kidnapped off camera – or save Harvey Dent – also kidnapped off camera.

         Batman being unintentionally noble chooses to save his girlfriend (Who is subsequently Harvey Dent’s girlfriend too – Hussy!) – but the Joker being a Joker – tricked him into saving Harvey Dent, while his girlfriend dies in an explosion across town. Meanwhile a homeless guy who swallowed a phone gets a call which blows him and half the jail up, allowing the Joker is escape because he had blast proof shorts on.

         During the rescue, Harvey Dent is burned on half of his face and – later in Hospital – when the Joker visits, cleverly disguised as Sexually confused clearly male nurse #2, he is convinced in several seconds to go on a rampage against those who at best indirectly affected him being blown up. Then the Joker blows the hospital up and no one is hurt in any way.

         Two-Face, as Dent has two faces now, get it? Goes on a rampage using a trick coin to select the fate of people and showing off his new ability to never feel pain. Batman breaks the data-protection act and uses every Cell Phone in Gotham at once as Sonar which is now wired into his helmet to find the Joker – Which really pisses off his tech guy who says he’ll quit because of this, despite the fact that only he is smart enough to build it in the first place and clearly did so off camera under duress.

         Batman finds the joker but is stops to play with some stray dogs first. Then the Joker reveals he has a game in mind; two ferries on the harbor are rigged with explosives. One with innocent people and the other with criminals. They have until midnight to blow each other up, and after that time, they’ll both explode.

         When neither boat explodes because people are sensitive in Gotham, Batman overpowers Joker with a flying knife sucker punch and ties him up in a sex swing and leaves spent.

         Catching up with Two Face, Commissioner Gordon and his young son, Batman allows himself to be shot and then kills Two face, breaking his own cardinal rule about murder and asks that Commissioner Gordon lie to the populace and say Batman murdered their one hope – Harvey – two face never existed and was never seen by anyone ever and then goes on a long vacation to Albany.

         Without Batman’s knowledge, his butler and confidant Alfred then commits a federal offence and destroys mail which Batman’s dead girlfriend wanted him to have, letting him know that Harvey Dent had bigger genitals. Saving Batman’s manhood.

Suspension of disbelief can only take you so far.

                From a story telling perspective:

Opening: A school bus crashes through the side of a building – no one on the street notices. Plus, that is a hell of a lot of school buses! All at the exact moment they needed a gap in their convoy – which also doesn’t notice one pulled out in front from the side of a building covered in rubble.

Chinese guy: Batman flies to China, illegally kidnaps and detains a Chinese citizen, gives him to the police and they still don’t know how to convict him until he gives them all they need to know. Plus he has a terrible lawyer.

Two face: Don’t shoot the guy in the car, when you can crash in the car with him and be fine inexplicably.

Two face: How does he always know where everyone is?

The Joker: Throws Rachel out a window. Leaves the party full of guests cordially?

The Joker: Despite Batman being disciplined and in control of his fighting skills, he loses his temper and angrily beats The Joker in a police station where no one understands the eighth amendment.

Commissioner Gordon: As an audience we’re to believe he died and was killed, and they even told his wife and kid he was dead and she was crying and then he of course comes back, it was an underhanded filmmakers trick to toy with people – but not only did he come back, which is annoying enough, he was driving the van the whole time? Directly in harm’s way and no other cop knew about it?

The Joker: Kill the Batman! Don’t kill the batman! Kill the Batman! Don’t kill the Batman! Oh I just can’t decide!

Spawn: Why does the black mob guys people turn on him so easily, how was he fooled into thinking the joker was in a body bag, why didn’t he just shoot the bag, etc. etc.

There is a bomb in the hobo. How obvious was it that it was a phone/bomb? I mean if I figured it out in twenty seconds how did an entire police station not only never figure it out, but never get help to figure it out?

“You either die a hero, or see yourself live long enough to be the villain” is a quote which is the only justification for Two face’s evil transformation.

In reality the Joker has no purpose – other than to give others purpose. He creates two face. He burns some money; he hints and jibs at things, but what is his true drive and ambition? Where is the classic joker who always has an actual plan to be foiled? He does say in the movie he never makes plans – but then all of the things he does would require a lot of planning. Like the Bank Heist in the opening.

It’s a time bomb! So Batman can only save one of them. Rachel or Harvey. Are the cops, SWAT, FBI, etc all busy at the Donut store?

“I’m not wearing Hockey pads” Worst line in a movie ever.

Instead of driving down the road, he blows up a series of cars which may or may not have people inside as evidenced by the kids watching him do this.

Isn’t Gotham going to be wracked by crime when Batman leaves? Being that it’s a daily job and the mob still runs around and the police are always corrupt?

                From a realism perspective:

Maroni is dropped a couple of stories and clearly breaks his ankles/feet/legs whatever but is walking about fine everywhere a few days later.

The guy can bring a semi-automatic handgun into a court house, with a round chambered, on a model pistol which has no safety and take aim to a shocked Harvey Dent, but when he pulls the trigger nothing happens – and they chock this up to being a case of “buy American next time” being it was Chinese (Even though it looked suspiciously like an Austrian Glock which is internationally known as one of the most reliable hand guns ever made) – Speaking as an American living in England, about a movie made by a British guy living in America – that even pisses me off.

Rachel is a different actress. No “were you expecting someone else?” witty banter regarding it!

You can’t evacuate a hospital that fast, not even in Gotham.

Blow up a hospital? Wouldn’t that take a lot of people and all working somehow incredibly secretly to not be noticed?

The Joker has thousands of thousands of pounds of explosive – but his detonators suck.

People still want to join the Joker Club 90210 – even though his goal is burning all of their wages.

The movie is meant to be realistic, but, Harvey Dent is burned on one side of his face – but his larynx, muscle tissue, and eye are all intact and working – minus a layer of skin – allowing him to function at a normal level, days after the fire.

Not to mention why doesn’t he have a speech impediment with less lip action to help formulate and pronounce his words?

People are not so noble, they’d kill a bus full of nuts to prevent personal harm, at least one of the people on Boat A would have wasted Boat B before the PA system had finished speaking.

No 3g / 4g network on the planet can transfer so much data at once.

                From a it just pisses me off perspective:

Scarecrow came back.

No way that bike can flip around like that.

Has a hydraulic piece on his arm to bend the barrel of a gun early on – never uses it again in the movie.

Never kills people by nature – is a walking collection of sharp objects.

That’s not Gotham, that’s Chicago!

Batman has a nice car. I don’t have a nice car. I hate Batman.

What the hell, Bruce Wayne is smart enough to make this high tech armor which helps protect him, even fashioning a cowl from a motorcycle helmet – which is refined in each movie – but never does he put nostril holes in so he can stop with that nasally lame ass voice? I want to murder puppies every time he speaks.

And yeah I know Heath Ledger died of a drug overdose and that’s real sad and all. But why does he get a posthumous academy award and Brandon Lee is all but forgotten about? The Crow was a much better movie and could have elevated Brandon Lee to super stardom. Heath Ledger was already a hero in the gay community and teeny bopper circles. The Joker was acted fine, but it wasn’t anything earth shattering. Maybe it is because of how close knit the world is now with social media that his death resonated so much more than Brandon Lee’s. I see Paul Walker’s death is rippling around like the passing of a Pope. Maybe culture really has become that much more celebrity obsessed in the last twenty years, and I am too disinterested to notice it.

For me a celebrity dying is a sad footnote of my day. Even ones I love and cherish, they die and I say what a shame and move on. I don’t need to go sending condolences to their families or cry about it on twitter the way some people go on and on about them like they lost a brother or sister.

Maybe I am just a cynic. Of course there is more to it than this, but if I go on any longer I’ll annoy even myself. Long story short. You’re wrong. That’s why.